It has been a while since I’ve written…life got crazy busy, but more than that I didn’t hear God was calling me to write anything for a while. Therefore, I didn’t. This morning, however, while talking with Him, He said that I should write today. So here I am…with you guys!
I went back and re-read my last two blog entries, mainly focusing on the entry where I was about to enter worship school. How in the world was that was three years ago?! Since that entry I’ve had two life changing events happen: worship school and a trip to Israel. At the conclusion of both people have asked me how it was. It is SO difficult to answer that question when something has been so monumental in your development, when it has changed the course of your life. I usually just chickened out and said, “It was really good.” Haha! That’s like saying the Grand Canyon is “pretty big,” or Hawaii is “really pretty.” However, I’m not chickening out on you.
While I couldn’t possibly put all the details of both of those experiences in a blog post and keep it at a length that anyone sane would read, I will tell you the thing that sticks out right now. The most life changing thing about both events was that God used both of those to define who I am and clarify who He is. He spoke life into me both places by removing the lies I was believing about myself and Him….and replacing them with His truth.
At worship school I began to realize two things about myself:
1 – I could step onto the stage to lead His people because of Him, because of the promise that His spirit is in me and can do great things. I was freed from the broken record repeating in my head that said, “You can’t do this.” It was true – I couldn’t do it, but now I believed it when God said He could and would. What a relief!
2- I also began to speak God’s truth to myself before I led worship. I would remind myself that God ALREADY loves me deeply. He is ALREADY well pleased with me. Jesus’ work on the cross assures me of this. When I began to meditate on this, to take a moment and remind myself of this, things began to change. I could let go of the results. I could fully surrender to what He wanted to do (and to that high note I was afraid of, lol!) It wasn’t that I thought things would go amazingly every time, in fact they didn’t. BUT, it was that I could rest securely in his love for me. I didn’t come up with this, but I first heard it at worship school: I went from trying to earn approval, to leading from a place of approval. That has made all the difference.
In Israel I experienced God and his Holy Spirit like I haven’t in a long time. On our trip, the Holy Spirit wasn’t just talked about with flowery words…or mentioned in prayers. The Holy Spirit was there. The Spirit did miraculous things and spoke in undeniable ways. Spoke to ME in undeniable ways. I hadn’t even really realized it, but somewhere in my walk I had lost my childlike faith. I had come to believe that the Holy Spirit of the Bible – the one who healed the blind, arranged divine encounters, and raised the dead to life – was no longer in operation. In fact the first time the Spirit showed up on the trip I was afraid. I had not had such an encounter in so long that I forgot what it was like. I came home renewed – KNOWING that the Holy Spirit of the Bible is alive and still in the business of the miraculous!
I leave you with this – in the Message version of the Bible, in Matthew 9, Jesus has just raised a girl back to life. Two blind men follow Him into His house begging to be healed. Before Jesus heals them He asks them if they really believe He can do this. They reply that they do. He heals them with the declaration, “Become what you believe.” And they were healed.
Become what you believe.
What do we believe…about ourselves? About God?
Romans 12:2a tells us “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Paul is confirming this – that we become what we believe. What do you believe about yourself? Does it line up with what God believes about you? What do you believe about God? Is this consistent with God’s character revealed in His Bible?
God we pray today that you would allow us (make us!) take a moment to reflect on this question – “what do I believe?” And we ask that your Spirit speak boldly, undeniably into our lives…whether audibly, through your word, or even another person. God show us the lies we believe and replace them with truth. We want to become like you Lord! Amen.
And of course, I leave you with a song: